


Bring It Back, Don't Take It Away From Me

by 1f_this_be_madness



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: Angry Brian May, Angry Roger Taylor (Queen), Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Epic Friendship, F/M, Freddie's death remains major, Frustration, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hugs, Old Age, Old Brian May/Roger Taylor, Old Friends, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Relationships, Reconciliation, Rows, Sassy Anita Dobson, Shouting Matches, Swearing, Texting, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:47:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21656995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1f_this_be_madness/pseuds/1f_this_be_madness
Summary: Brian knows Roger. And Roger knows Brian. Bri is emotive, he puts out every feeling he's ever had into the world, whereas Roger stays locked up tight.It hasn't always been that way, though. And one day, after everything, Brian wonders why.(Or, Roger doesn't understand technology or why Brian seems to enjoy and use it so bloody much, and Brian doesn't understand why Roger is getting angry. Again.)
Relationships: Anita Dobson & Roger Taylor, Anita Dobson/Brian May, Brian May & Roger Taylor, Dominique Beyrand/Roger Taylor, John Deacon & Brian May & Freddie Mercury & Roger Taylor, John Deacon & Roger Taylor
Comments: 24
Kudos: 49





	1. 'Cause You Don't Know...

Roger Taylor doesn't understand technology.

Or perhaps it's simply modern technology. Things move so fast with the bloody internet, and everything he does and has ever done is everywhere before he's even done thinking about it, or remembering. 

Sometimes he doesn't even get the chance to remember, and the internet reminds him. And sometimes he doesn't even know.

Roger hates being old.

For example, as a facet of his age he initially misunderstands the texting acronym lol. He thinks it stands for 'lots of love' and therefore responds thus when he receives a text from Brian that consists solely of

Lol ! - Bri

Even after they'd just had a conversation, during which something had amused Brian, which Rog wasn't to know about.

Roger texts back: what the fuck, Brian  
Roger: I know how we fucking feel about each other but you don't have to tEXT it

Brian realises, after several more texts with increasing amounts of swearing, what the issue is. Yet instead of laughing or poking fun, he begins using lol to mean lots of love from then on, because he truly does have lots of love for his Rogie. He also includes a heart for good measure.

Brian: lol Rogie ❤

Roger: oh for fuck's sake  
Roger: I love you too, you numpty, but what the fuck  
Roger: oh, I'm sorry, wtf

Anita walks behind Brian in their kitchen during one of these exchanges and sees his phone screen. "Professing your love to Roger again? Has he responded in kind this time?"

Brian sighs and smacks his lips, shaking his head a little as he looks at her over the tops of his readers. "I dunno, love. He only seems to text me when he's angry."

Anita rubs her husband's shoulder soothingly. "I'm sure he appreciates your messages, darling. We both know Roger, he just has a seemingly-wrathful way." 

Brian chuckles ruefully. "You're right, Anita. He hasn't changed, has he?"

"Not at all," she smiles.

But Roger has changed; Brian remembers his exuberance for the first eighteen, nineteen years of their acquaintance. How boisterous he'd been, running at Brian and John and Fred, telling them all how much he loved them. It changed, later on. After Freddie got sick, Rog changed. Got gruffer, closed himself off. Grew grouchy and quick to anger, especially during interviews, which Brian understands. But he wishes he could see the old Rog again.

So he decides to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves, this story came from a little idea about Roger not knowing what lol stands for, and it kind of exploded. I hope you'll enjoy it.
> 
> Comments appreciated <3


	2. What It Means To Me

It's some time later, cold and bleak. Late December, and they are readying themselves for the tour in January when Roger goes off. Of course he goes off, snarling and swearing about some bullshit somebody said about them, about Freddie, about their fondness for each other--and when Brian tries to soothe him, tries to say he still loves Roger and who cares what people say, right? Roger shrugs at that comfort. Shoves it off.

And Brian cannot take that. He begins breathing heavily as his dear friend turns away.

"Roger," Brian's eyes are glittering with what seems like tears of sorrow, but his words are steely enough to make his mate freeze. Brian doesn't speak to him like this. "Rog, I love you, and I know how much you're hurting still..." His hands tremble and he clenches them into fists, bowing his head of grey-white curls. "But so am I! And damn it," he seethes "if you keep doing this, you're going to push me away, like--" He stops, cuts himself off, but Roger had heard the aborted phrase, and whirls back around to glare at him, temper flaring.

"Like WHO, Brian?"

"Who hasn't gone?" Brian fires back. "Fred had no choice, no choice," he chokes, murmuring the repeated phrase. "But John did, and Dominique, and..."

"And what?" Roger's tone is a challenge, his blue eyes are snapping at Brian, chips of ice in that soft face that is stone-cold in fury so much, so often, like now.

"And so do I, Rogie! I do! And I've stood by you because I love you!" Brian's voice is rising now. "Even when you get so-- you're still-- you're so angry, so often, and I understand, but you won't let me help and you never say..." His voice chokes off and he presses his lips together, shrugging his shoulders helplessly. "I'm out of ideas, Roger. I don't know how to help you if you won't let me. And it seems..." His voice is now a thread, going abruptly quiet. "At times it seems as if-- y-you don't love me enough to let me try."

Roger stares, he feels as if the wind has been knocked out of him. Feels a stabbing pain slice through his very heart, even as everything around seems to have frozen. Feels as if he cannot breathe, like Freddie couldn't breathe, in the end. And he hears Fred now, his dearest friend's voice is in his head sighing _Oh don't be such a bitch, Roger darling. Go on and tell him. Tell him everything._

Roger heaves out a breath and lunges after his tall friend, who has turned around as if to leave the rehearsal, the room, their very rock 'n roll world and life together touring. "Brian--" 

He grabs Brian's hand, clutches those lengthy fingers and spins Bri back around, lips trembling as he sees tears cascading down the other man's creased cheeks. Brian is already gasping, already saying "Oh god Roger, I'm so sorry--"

"No," Roger shakes his head, bows it. Squeezes Brian's hand. "No, you're... you're right. I'm an arse," he says finally, after what seems like ages of quiet. His eyes rise to catch and hold Brian's. "and I do push people away because I can't-- can't bear to lose them. Not anyone else. Can't love, can't..." His high voice trembles, breaks. He relinquishes Brian's hand and reaches up to cup his cheeks. "--but I'll always love you, Brian May," he whispers. 

Brian flinches. "No, I--after all that, what I just said, I don't deserve it," he whimpers. "I'm terrible."

"No," Roger grabs Brian's face and speaks fiercely, seriously "You're not. Look at me. LOOK at me, Brian Harold May." The drummer gives his friend a shake. "You said what you did just then out of love. You gave me a kick in the arse, and I needed it. I've BEEN needing it," he smiles and Brian lets out a broken little chuckle. Serious again, "You may have cocked up a lot over the years, as have I, but you are a good person, Brian. You learn from your mistakes, you try so bloody hard, and you're so damned smart and kind. You do so much for everyone and everyTHING-- for me, your family, all your little animals-- god, Bri, you're extraordinary. I'm fucking lucky to know you."

Those words make Brian's face crumple and he lets out a sob. He can't even move to try to shake his head because Roger is holding on so tight. Gripping the sides of Brian's head, holding that fluffy hair and cupping his friend's lean cheeks. Holding as if to a lifeline, Roger then mutters "And I--and I love you. I fucking adore you. Should be, should've been saying that every bloody day. Even when I'm feeling my shittiest, you're there. You've always been here for me." 

Brian is silently sobbing. "And you--as you've been for me, Rog," he gasps out, hands reaching up and wrapping around Roger's as he presses his lips to the drummer's right palm. Roger briefly closes his eyes, resisting the urge to snort or snark, to say _Clearly I haven't been, based on what you just said,_ but he restrains himself. Christ, he's been such a shitty friend, and Brian is so forgiving.

Voice wobbling now, the drummer growls "Alright, c'mere," and pulls Brian into an enormous tight hug as his friend continues to sob and shake. Strokes Brian's hair as the guitarist buries his face in Roger's shoulder. 

"I--god, Rogie, I love you too," Brian gasps through all of his tears.

Roger grips him even more tightly. "Shut the fuck up, Bri, I know you do," he growls gently, all fondness. Thank everything for this man who sticks by him and who knows what to say even when he worries he's spoken wrong. 

Brian wraps his arms around Roger and clutches his old friend, relieved to have him, and thankful that his mate is here, still here after everything. He could never have truly left Rog behind, never stopped loving him or wanting to help. He means too much. They are so very different, but they need each other. That is and has always been the case. 

Rocking a little back and forth as Roger's face is buried in his hair, Brian thinks on lyrics, apropos. "Thank you, Freddie," he murmurs, letting out a quiet chuckle, and feels Rog shift and tense.

His eyes narrow as he asks "What, Brian?"

Bri chuckles, rubbing the other's back. "I was just thinking about words Freddie wrote. _'You will remember, when this is blown over, and everything's all by the way...'_ "

Roger grunts a little, also seeing the humour now. A smile flashes across his face, brightening his blue eyes as he quietly croons " _'When I grow older, I will be there at your side to remind you, how I still love you...'_ "

Brian chokes up as he clears his throat, and both mouth (but they cannot sing) the words _"I still love you - ooh"_ for those were always Freddie's.

And yet they both know and feel all of his love, as too they do theirs. It can never leave, not really. For they are still here. And they love one another, no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Roger Taylor and Brian May, and their fifty year friendship
> 
> After everything, I am sure these two mates have troubles and rows. They are so different. Yet they love each other, and their differences, in my opinion, make them two halves of a whole. I respect them both so very much, and truly appreciate the strength of their bond.
> 
> Comments appreciated <3
> 
> Song lyrics, chapter, and story title are from "Love of My Life" written by the incomparable Freddie Mercury


End file.
